Governor Heineman Announces New Task Force to Study the Effectiveness of Task Forces
Jun 26, 02:51 PM CST
Dave Heineman, the state’s Republican governor, announced a new state task force to study the effectiveness of the myriad of task forces created by the governor and his predecessor Mike Johanns to delay any real action on solving Nebraska’s problems.
“No longer can my critics, like Democratic candidate David Hahn, sit back and criticize my complete lack of leadership and my inherent inability to enact any sort of practical statewide policy,” Heineman said. “This new Task Force Task Force will thoroughly investigate the effectiveness of the task forces created by me and my old boss, Mike Johanns.”
Heineman said some of the task forces the Task Force Task Force will investigate include the Water Policy Task Force, the task force investigating the overburdened case workers in Nebraska’s Health and Human Services Department, and the task force created to investigate the viability of bringing high speed broadband Internet access to rural Nebraska.
Heineman added that the Task Force Task Force will create the air of accomplishing tasks in a forceful manner while delaying the necessity for decisive action. The Task Force Task Force will also have a sub-task force designed to decide where Governor Heineman stands on various important state issues the governor has not yet revealed his standing on including immigration, the state spending lid petition and broadband Internet access for rural Nebraska.
“It’s important that the governor waits to see opinion poll results before taking any real action,” said Jangly McSpanglepants, Heineman’s appointed leader of the Task Force Task Force. “What if the Gov’ made a decision and took action before learning how popular that decision was? Anarchy, I tell you – total anarchy. And most of this stuff isn’t even our problem. Remember when the Governor said immigration was a federal issue? That means he doesn’t have to deal with it. Unless the people want him do. But if they don’t, then we don’t want to touch it. We’ll just have to wait and see.”
Heineman said he won’t decide on how effective the Task Force Task Force is until a Task Force Task Force Task Force can be formed to investigate the effectiveness of the Task Force Task Force.
“As Nebraska’s by-default governor, I’ve made one thing abundantly clear: My administration is a wait-and-see administration. Eventually there will be enough waiting and enough seeing that we can see our way through the storm of waiting,” Heineman said while visiting a local proprietor of frozen confections.
When asked by the cashier if he’d prefer chocolate or vanilla, Heineman asked the cashier to keep both machines running while an Ice Cream Task Force was formed to investigate whether chocolate or vanilla was more delicious.
Meanwhile Hahn said he’s already made his own stances clear.
“We need a barrier on the Mexico border and we need the companies that take advantage of illegal immigrant workers to pay the cost of granting the workers citizenship. I’m against the state spending lid petition, as I said weeks ago, and we need to get rural Nebraska high speed Internet as soon as possible instead of sitting on our hands to appease the big telecom companies that aren’t interested in the area in the first place,” Hahn said.
When asked by the cashier whether he wanted chocolate or vanilla, Hahn requested butter brickle.
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— John Owens-Ream Jun 26, 07:13 PM CST #
The most accurate statement I’ve read yet on Governor Dave’s ability to govern.
— Scott F. Gregory Jun 26, 08:25 PM CST #
Honestly, I really thought the “Task Force on Task Forces” was real, but for the catchy name of the Governor’s leader of the Task Force, Jangly McSpanglepants.
The fact that I could so readily accept such a comedic bit, shows how lacking Nebraska is for leadership. I actually “googled” Jangly McSpanglepants, to see if this was real. As the national GOP’s latest talking point dubs the Democrats “Cutting and Running” I think a more fitting label Nebraska Democrats should place on our state’s Republicans methods of governing as “Ducking and Covering.” Being a conservative in Nebraska, as the state sinks around us all, is like playing in the band on the Titanic. Good gracious our candidates are a breath of fresh air.
This grass roots stuff is starting to be seen. This weekend at the Sesquicentennial Celebration of the town where I went to school at, North Bend, Democrats for Ben Nelson, Maxine Moul and David Hahn joined with our local Dodge County Democrats for a block long group of our kids giving out candy to other kids, giving out stickers and having so much fun that we were out of a wagon full of candy ½ of the way through the parade. By the end we were giving out the “Ben Nelson for Senator” bags that the candy was in. Dave Hahn, his wife and his son walked with us and Dave was working the parade people before we got started down the route.
The only Republican to appear in the parade was the Lt. Governor. No Peter Ricketts. No Jeff Fortenberry. No Governor Heineman.
Oh, and our float. We attached a wagon to the back of my power wheelchair, so we could keep the candy and stickers in one place for refills.
It was the greatest turnout for a parade by Democrats I can ever remember. Next week, Columbus!
— jimdake Jun 26, 10:50 PM CST #
— Ryan Anderson Jun 27, 01:56 AM CST #
Jangly McSpanglepants & Dave Heineman. Anyone who wants to help me out with this I’d appreciate it.
use the URL:
http://www.governordave.com/about.htm
— John Owens-Ream Jun 27, 11:23 AM CST #
George Bush goes to a primary school to talk to the kids to get a little PR.
After his talk he offers to answer some questions.
One little boy puts up his hand and George asks him his name.
“Stanley,” responds the little boy.
“And what is your question, Stanley?”
“I have 4 questions:
“First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?
“Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes?
“Third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?”
“Fourth, why are we so worried about gay-marriage when 16 percent of all Americans don’t have health insurance?”
Just then, the bell rings for recess. George Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess.
When they resume George says, “OK, where were we? Oh, that’s right, question time. Who has a question?”
Another little boy puts up his hand.
Bush points him out and asks him his name.
“Steve,” he responds.
“And what is your question, Steve?”
“Actually, I have 6 questions:
“First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?
“Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes?
“Third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?
“Fourth, why are we so worried about gay marriage when 16 percent of all Americans don’t have health insurance?
“Fifth, why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early?
“And sixth, what the hell happened to Stanley?”
— Brian T. Osborn Jun 27, 03:33 PM CST #
— jimdake Jun 27, 09:25 PM CST #